


Oneshots

by ravesinthesky



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - High School, Arisol - Freeform, Body Swap, BroJohn - Freeform, First Time, Friendship, GamTav - Freeform, Ice Cream, Multi, PB&J, Romance, johndave - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-19
Updated: 2014-12-19
Packaged: 2018-03-02 03:29:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 4,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2797919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ravesinthesky/pseuds/ravesinthesky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A collection of my shorter oneshots - If you like my writing style, I take suggestions!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Coffeeplay - Rose/Jade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Rose Lalonde is bored and alone on the job, she likes to play a little game...  
> (A cheesy coffee shop AU fluffy one shot)

Your name is Rose Lalonde, and at the rate this job was going, you are sure half the participants of the room’s frappuccino festivities were going to end up end by the end of your shift. 

Meaning in your head of course. Every time a baby waaaaw’ed or a scruffy soccer mom dropped her salted caramel mocha all over your freshly mopped floors, you imagined some other gruesome death the victim would be forced to endure.

The baby? Eaten by rabid harlequins, of course. That old, shouting man by the window? Strangled. By a ravenous squid. You didn’t even know if squids were ravenous… Maybe for krill, but probably not human flesh. Oh well.

You allow your eyes to wander to a cluster of kids lounging in the spot you usually went to catch up on some reading on your break. And they feet were all up in you business. Business meaning that was your spot, and they were spitting half chewed flecks of saturated pumpkin muffin all over the chairs. You swear you see one of the boys spill some of his drink onto the arm rest of your most favorite couch. 

Pardon your french but god damn it. 

After you finish up wiping down the last of the empty coffee mugs, you cross the room towards the rather loud kids, who looked to be actually about your age, in a flurry of agitated apron and short blonde hair. 

As you approached, the group quieted down to nearly a whisper, and you knew what they were probably thinking. Oh shit. There’s that wacky goth girl come to ruin our fun. With a deep sigh, you cross and lock your ankles together and try to stand up confidently. Arms crossed, you glanced down at the kids warily. Now that you were closer, you could see their faces a bit clearer. You even recognized a few from your high school. They weren’t that popular, thank god, and you don’t think you’ve ever had any grudges against any of them, so you have that. The blond one with douchy sunglasses was in your American History class for sure. And you had seen his dark haired friend accompanying him after to lunch on numerous occasions. But the third… a girl, looking oddly small and out of place next to the boys on either side of her, you didn’t recognize at all. Which was odd. Usually you kept tabs on the faces of your peers just incase, but this girl was a mystery to you. 

"Pardon me to interrupt your… uh.. fun, but you think you could quiet down, please?" you say, forced by company terms to keep polite. 

Mr. Sunglasses looks like he wants to say something back at you, but his smaller friend holds up one hand to cut him off. 

"Sorry! Just trying to enjoy the day and stuff you know," he gives you a smile that’s a little bit too mocking for your taste.

"Well enjoy it someplace. And pick up those crumbs. I’m not exactly a maid," you snap. 

The two boys frown, glance at each other, then towards the third member of the party. She’s peering straight at you through huge round lenses. Then she grins and… you’re faced with two rather adorable buck teeth. 

"Sorry!" her voice chirps. "My friends are being rude. We’ll quiet down, right guys?" She gives Sunglasses a jab to the ribs, and he nods. 

Satisfied with your results, you turn and head back to the counter.

And they’re gone within the hour.

==>

The next time you see the girl, she’s alone. You’re surprised, too, because she’s here in the shop on a Monday afternoon. You had feigned sick after you found you mom too passed out to care whether you went to school or not. And you would rather not. You’d much rather come into work an extra day to be perfectly honestly. 

Yet here she is, the same scraggly, long black hair and owlish glasses, her bright green eyes magnified under the lenses just as before. 

But when she approaches the counter, you finally learn her name. 

But not before first humiliating yourself, of course.

"Why are you here?"

She looks taken aback, almost offended, but then her faces relaxes, and you marvel at how fast she had grasped your twisted logic. Color yourself impressed. "I’m home schooled, Rose!" her voice is delicate, light, but still put together. 

"Uh," is all that can really come from your mouth, which sounds pretty dumb of you, so you back up and say, "Wait. How did you…?"

"Nametag?"

Oh right. “Oh right.”

"I’m Jade!"

"Lovely," your reply is clipped. "So what’ll be?"

You take her order (one caramel hazelnut coffee, hold the whipped cream) and wait for her to leave. But she doesn’t. 

"So… I was wondering when your next break is?"

==>

"What about that guy right there?"  
"The guy with the ice coffee? Him? Oh haha him… Well. He works at the pool, as a lifeguard right, and tomorrow-"  
"Rose! It’s fall! The pool is close!"  
"Quiet, Jade, it’s my story, and it’ll go the way I want it to go, silly. So tomorrow he goes to work and out of the water… jumps a killer shark. It’d escaped from the zoo. He swerves out of the way, but the animal, jaws gaping, swallows him whole!"  
Her giggles, so adorably close to actual snorts, were sweeter than the honey swirled in the cup in your hands.


	2. Mario Kart - John/Dave

There’s usually only one reason you go over to John’s house if you guys are hanging out, and that’s usually to use his ultra sick big screen TV. For the most part, he always comes to chill at your house because. Duh. Your house is fucking sweet. There’s no rules, and no dad to yell at your for propping your feet up on the coffee table or wearing your shades indoors. It’s just you brother, you, and the Egbert, and you sort of like it like that.  
But then there’s this big screen TV right? It’s like… the biggest thing you’ve ever seen, and that’s saying something considering you’ve walked in on your brother changing before. So you bring over the newest game as soon as it comes out, and John provides his big ass TV, and you guys have a sleep over of epic proportions. Well, if staying up till 3 am playing video games while trying to keep your voices down so you don’t get busted by daddy Egbert is epic. Which it totally is by the way. You two make a pretty kick ass team you’ve gotta say.

So you really can’t help yourself when John flings open the door after you knock you usually ironic knocking code so her knows it’s you and grins that huge smile of his. You actually sort of melt a little bit. Then he tugs your shirt and yanks you inside so that in a flurry of hair and blue fabric, you’re practically thrown onto his bed.

See Egbert’s got this huge TV you were talking about right the middle of his fucking bedroom! Just right there! Right in front of his bed and everything! So all you have to do is lean back against the pillows and wait till John collapses next to you after sliding in the game disc so you two can beat some aliens or same the world or some shit while all in the safe comfort of sheets and a blanket. 

Tonight it’s the newest Mario Kart game, so you curl up next to your best friend and throw shells at his car while you race past sand dunes. After a few rounds, John really starts getting into the game a bit too much though, and you have to repeatedly remind him to calm the fuck down it’s just a game. But he says you’re just saying that, because you’re winning said game. So you, being the bigger fucking person you are, drop your awesome skills down a notch and let your friend win a few rounds himself.  
After he’s sufficiently calmed down, you think John’s figured out your ruse, because he starts smiling at you in a knowing way whenever you purposely crash your car off the wall and into the deep, dark abyss. You know he’s for sure figured out you’ve been losing on purpose, because he starts to pull the same act. Now both of you are dying at every turn and the whole game’s sort of become a joke, so you start nudging his side with your elbow to purposely make his car crash. So he starts pushing your elbow away and laughing whenever you scoot closer to get a better grab at his controller.

"Dave stop you’re making me lose!" he wails, but you just bump him with your thigh and knock your shoulders against his.  
"Um I don’t know what you’re talking about. Clearly you’re doing that all by yourself."

He whines some more, but you see out of the corner of your eye his smile stretches across his face, and your heart skips a beat. His eyes turn back to the screen, and he starts babbling about something involving the mechanics of the games. Something about how if they could both crash at the same spot, the map would glitch up, and they could fly off the game boundaries or something. You weren’t paying attention… You were watching his lips move, the way his eyes darting across the screen under his glasses, the way he pressed the pads of his thumbs into the joystick. 

Your heart flutters and drops into your stomach as he shouts at the scream, specially at Princess Peach who had apparently just passed him up. He’s so close… you can smell him. Like the warm, windy smell of a summer day. And a hint of baked goods… He must use really good conditioner holy shit because his hair is as fresh as fucking flowers and…

"Dave! What the hell keep your eyes on the road!" Now he’s looking at you and suddenly there’s blue everywhere, and his thigh is grazing yours, and your both so close sharing body heat underneath the sheets, and it’s sort of really dark expect for the flashing light of the game, and his eyes are huge under his glasses and… and you just want to…

You toss your game controller down and lean forward towards him. Your mouth meets his, and he’s surprised at first, but slowly he practically dissolves into your arms. Turning his body he crawls into your lap and grabs at your clothes trying to steady himself. You bit his lips, cup his face, let all your want pour into him, and… you can’t believe he’s taking it. He’s actually kissing you back. Hell, he’s literally tucked into your lap while his hands knead at your shirt. Tilting his face sideways a little bit, you deepen the kiss and listen to all the beautiful little sounds he makes. Brushing back his hair with your thumb, you trace small circles on his wrist. He’s so soft and warm and familiar… You could seriously just stay like this for a really, really long time. The kiss is lazy, sort of messy, but pretty fucking perfect, and you make it last as long as humanly possible before your legs start to fall asleep from John’s weight, and your lips are starting to feel sore.

You pull away from him with a wet pop, and look into his eyes, searching, waiting for some sort of regret or doubt, but you se only genuine happiness. His eyes scrunch up, and he actually sort of looks like he’s going to giggle or shout or do something from the way he’s bouncing around in the bed. And he doesn’t even say anything either! This night could not get any more fucking awesome.

He just pick his controller back up, joking about how poor neglected Mario and Toad got last place because of us, and positioned his butt directly in the spot in front of you. Leaning backwards, he lays his head on your shoulder as you push back against the headboard behind you, and snuggles down into you with his elbows on your knees. He starts a new game, and just like that. Everything’s ok. He calls you a loser, and you tickle his sides so that he wriggles underneath your fingertips and smacks your hand away, but he doesn’t move. And you glance up at your reflection, and you can see his smiling reflection, and that grin fills you up with something warm and fuzzy and bubbly and ok this sounds incredible lame and stupid but. You just want to bend down and plant a big smooch on the top of his head, so you do. And he laughs of course. But it’s all good man, because that laugh’s like sweet fucking music to you, and as you look back at your reflection, his smile so big in the dark, and you see your own bare eyes. And, in the dusty dim screen of that huge TV, a matching smile underneath.


	3. New Girl - Dave/Jade

You’re name is Dave Strider and man oh man has the new girl caught your eye.

She’s nothing that special, you have to admit, but there’s just… something about her that’s absolutely fascinating to you. Maybe it’s that she packs her lunch everyday. Which is a completely normal. thing to do, yet when she does it… it’s just so much more… interesting. Or her long skirts she wears that drag on the floor of the hallway while you watch her veer into her chemistry class. Or how rich, and dark her hair is. Like fresh coffee. You want to sniff that hair and run your fingers through it and- shit that sounds weird.

Shit, you’re weird.

You’ve never even spoken one word to her and already you’re having freaky fantasies about her coffee locks. Get a grip, Strider.

You almost wet yourself when she comes pouting into your academic math class, a grimace on her face and books clenched to her chest.

And she sits behind you.

Oh no. Ah. Ok.

The first day goes by, and you get through the class without even so much of a passing glance. The Second Day you take a quick peek at her when she crosses the room to get a tissue. The Third Day is when she asks you for a pencil. The fucking thing falls out of your shaking fingers and drops to the floor, and you want to die, but she just giggles and calls you a butterfingers, which makes you also want to die, but for an entirely different reason.

The Fourth Day. You can now confidently say you have the lamest crush on this girl ever.

Finally, you can’t stand not knowing any longer, so you ask one of your friends what her name is. Where she came from. What’s she like…

“Oh man, dude, I don’t know? She’s new,” your buddy John says with a shrugs and takes another bite of his sloppy joe.

The Seventh Day. You decide to talk to her. So with every ounce of your courage, you turn around, damn fingers shaking again so you hide them in your lap super nonchalantly and stuff, and a ask her how she’s liking the school so far.  
But you guess you more sort of mumbled because she says, “Uh, sorry… I don’t think I… What was that?” and peers at you, her huge green eyes magnified to owlish proportions through her glasses.

“U-um…” your voice stumbles. “How’re liking the school?”

“Ah! Right sorry,” she giggles again, and your insides melt a bit. Holy shit there’s gotta be a law against being this cute. Cuz this shit’s clearly illegal. “Yeah I guess it’s pretty ok… A little stuffy compared to home schooling, because I did most of my classes outside back at home, but it’s cool to be around so many kids!”

“Oh.” Oh god. Oh god. Oh god. This was a terrible idea.

“Yeah… Plus the fact I thought I was further ahead in math, but I had to transfer to this academic class because apparently my teachers say I can’t handle honors.” She rolls her eyes and flutters her hand like she was waving off the clearly ignorant teacher’s opinions. How dare they.

“Ahh man sorry…”

“Yeah I mean not saying this class if for like… stupid kids or anything, so don’t get me wrong! It’s just… oh gosh… I’m being so dumb wow I hope I didn’t offend you,” she trails off looking embarrassed and glances at you for an apologize.

You scramble to give one, and she laughs.

When class ends, you offer to walk her to her next class, even thought you know she’s very capable of getting to World History herself, but she let’s you take her there, even though you know she knows she’s very capable of getting there without your help. You take that as a good sign.

You end up walking her to History everyday.

You end up walking her to some other classes, too.

You end up walking her home every Friday.

And when you realize you guys pass by an icecream shop on the way home, you start buying her icecream. At first she refuses, but she ends up giving in.

You end up telling her you like her…

… and she ends up liking you back.

Icecream had never tasted so sweet.


	4. Senpai - Aradia/Sollux

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which our favorite duo is doing the do (almost)

You’re name is Aradia Megido and oh my dear god senpai noticed you.

Hah. That’s a joke. You think it’s pretty funny, because you referenced those ridiculous things your older sister likes to read. Plus he would never ever be classified as one of the senpais from her glossy over dramatized comic books. Or excuse you, manga books.

Not with his slicked back hair (you bet he uses hair gel) or his goofy teeth. Or his fashion sense (seriously? Yellow and black polo shirts? Really?). And definitely not his hobbies, because you don’t think ninja stars and computer haxer skillz are very senpai.  
But he’s beautiful to you. Inside and out. And he just so happens to be your best friend.

And he also just so happens to have his hand on your boob.

“Um… tell me if this feels bad… o-ok?” he says, and you can tell he’s trying his very hardest to hide his pesky lisp.

You can only manage to whisper, “Ok,” before your mouth snaps shut.

He moves his fingers gently, like he thinks he’s going to break you or something. You don’t like it. You wish he wouldn’t treat you like you’re made of paper and glass. “How’s this?”

“Good,” you murmur breathily and blink in the dim light. Ok so it’s not really that good, but the last thing you want to do is hurt his feelings. After all, you do love him.

“You look beautiful right now,” he says so quietly you practically have to strain your ears to hear him. His other hand snakes up your back leaving a trail of goosebumps and comes to rest on your shoulder. He gives your collarbone lazy strokes with his thumb, and you breath in sharply. “Too much?”

“No, you’re good.” To the contrary, it’s not enough for you. This whole first time, first touch kind of deal is sort of giving you the skeevies. You just want to pounce to be honest. But you don’t really know what he would think… Plus you’re kind of too petrified to move. “Sollux?” you whisper.

“Yeah?”

“I think I love you.”

“Oh.” That’s all he says. Oh. You feel something weird move inside of you.

And then he’s kissing you suddenly. His lips are on yours and… they don’t really feel like you had imagined them to feel. He kind of chews on your bottom lip a bit, but his breath tastes stale on your tongue. And he’s breathing way too heavy, his heart beating in his chest like a drum reverberating against yours. It’s heavy, it’s awkward, and it’s not what you want. But you want it nonetheless. This is what you want after all. You love him. You love him so much.  
“Sollux…” you whisper into his mouth, and he pulls his tongue back to look at you from behind tinted glasses.

“Yeah?”

“Stop please…”

He’s silent, and a look of absolute horror dissolves across his expression. “Oh god… AA I am so sorry… I’m so bad at this. I’m awful. Go ahead tell me I suck, I know it’s true already. Oh fuck I’m so sorry. I can’t believe I thought you would even-“  
You shush his frantic lisping speech with a quick peck to the corner of his mouth. “Shut up. I’m fine… This just… I’m not ready.” And that was the truth. You thought you were, but you just weren’t.  
After you had pulled on your shirt, an oversized band T you got at one of the best concerts you had ever attended, one where you had inhaled at least three different kinds of smoke and danced your heart out, over your bare chest, you left Sollux to soak in his self loathing for only a moment to flick the lights back on and crawl back to his bed.

Embracing him, you whisper comforting words into his ear. Some how you both end up curled up together, tucked under his blanket like some sort of ancient nest of two long dead creatures. Still and silent, you held each other under the bright overhead ceiling fan lights.

“I love you,” he whispers into your hair.

You lift you head up and leave a kiss on his jawline. “I know.


	5. Worst Luck Ever - Gamzee/Tavros

You’re name is Tavros Nitram, and wow you must have /the/ worst luck ever.

No seriously. If there were contests for— pardon your language— shittiest luck, you’d win with one skinny, gangly arm tired behind your back.

You wiggle around a bit, hoping that maybe the motion would loosen your head, but no such luck. You had hidden yourself behind a big machine computer thingie- who knows what’s on this big, dumb meteor, to get away from Vriska. That spider lady… bitch…. She always acted like she wanted to help you, being all nice and encouraging, and then BAM! She’d push you head first into one of those rubber tubes that littered the hallways. Or set up a virus on your hubtop to play “cripple” at you on a loop every time you open pesterchum.

Sighing, you rustle around until your horn is free, and you plummet to the ground with an oomf.

"Woah!" you hear a gruff voice and glance upwards from your floorbound spot.

"Oh… Uh… Hey Gamzee," you say, and thank him after he helps to haul you up.

"Oh hey, man. Whatchu doing all up and on the floor like that my brother?"

"Uh… Nothing. Just forget about it."

And although you tell him you’re fine, and although you try to hide the gash on your side from where the computer had nicked you, he still walks you back to your room regardless.  
And when you start sniffling halfway through the trip, he doesn’t laugh at you or even do one of his silly honks.

He just holds you and whispers reassuring words until you feel comfortable enough to make it the rest of the way.

And he doesn’t interrupt while you tell him all about your day and the conversation you had with Nepeta about Fidduspawn and how much talking to Vriska makes you feel like shit, but you do it anyway because… Well you don’t really know why to be honest.

And his hand in yours feels so soft.


	6. Crazy - Dave/Jade

You’re name is Jade Harley, and this man is going to drive you crazy you swear to whatever higher magical being there is up in the sky. 

Everything about him drives you crazy. The way he leaves his dirty clothes just laying around everywhere. And the gross dead bugs he finds outside that he brings in the house to show you. So, yeah that maybe a little bit cute, like he’s some sort of cat bringing in a present for you, because he thinks you’ll be impressed. And you do admit you leave your vintage Squiddle toys technically laying around the house as well, but that’s not the point. And man oh man if he’s the cat, you’re the dog in this relationship. And don’t even get you started on his shitty sleeping patterns. As soon as you think your both all cozied up in your just barely enough room for two on sale spring mattress, he’s up again, pacing and muttering raps to himself. Not to mention his annoying habit of keeping his emotions all bottled up from you like you’d be ashamed of him for spilling a single drop of anything uncool. 

Oh yeah that man drives you crazy…

But boy do you love him. You love him more than anything else in the whole, wide world ever. You could never tire of counting the millions of freckles on his face when he’s lying next to you, and you’re both dozing off to sleep. How strong and secure his arms feel around your shoulders when your scared. And not much scares you. But when thunder starts booming and the lightening flashes outside, he’s always right there besides you whispering comforting words to hush your whimpers. Even the simple things that he does to make you laugh like that time he bought that ridiculous pair of reindeer antlers on Christmas and wore them all day. Even when you went out to dinner. Just because he knew they made you laugh. And at the end of the day, he doesn’t care about the scars on your legs or the way your hair never stays neat, and he always reminds you to clean off your glasses when they get dirty. Sometimes he even gently takes them from the bridge of your nose and polishes them himself.

Oh yeah Dave Strider drives you crazy. In all the best ways.


	7. Oh My God - Bro/John

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Classic body swap trope

You’re name is John Egbert and wow does something certainly /not/ feel right about today.   
More specifically, this morning.   
Even more specifically, this very second.

You let out a scream as you tumble out of your bed and smack onto the floor, accidentally impaling your naked chest on the soft plush proboscis of a stray smuppet.   
It’s amazing what one simple glance under the covers can do to a man.

Oh and ps. Either your cock decided to go all How the Grinch Stole Christmas and grow three sizes too big that day, or something was seriously wrong.   
Dragging yourself off of the crushed smuppet, you blindly stubble through a room that /definitely/ is not yours. Bursting through the door in a flurry of panic, you rub at your eyes and regret having not have snatched your glasses. So fucking hard to find the bathroom without those things-

Wait. You blink a few times and look around. What the hell. No seriously. What the actual fucking hell.

You tiptoe silently through the hall, not your hall, and glance around at the photos on the walls with absolute. Perfect. Fucking vision. 

And each one depicts only two people.  
Two people dressed in matching reindeer fursuits and posed in front of a santa doll.   
Two people with live bunnies surrounding them while pretending to choke on eggs.   
Two people in… oh god. Skin tight legless leotards in the colors of the American flag. 

You choke on some spit and stumble into the bathroom.   
And a horrified face stares back at you.  
Oh my god. 

==>

Your name is Bro Strider, and oh my god. What happened to your butt.

This is fantastic.


End file.
